Artistic Risk
I am an actor. At age three I walked onstage and fell in love with taking the most personal of risks. Initially my love was for performance itself. Once I started to study acting, my love shifted to the creative process.
A few years ago I developed stage fright so unbearable that I quit performing. There didn’t seem much point in pursuing a process that I couldn’t finish, so I walked away thinking that part of my life was over. Yet I missed being part of creating something.
Last year a friend approached me about co-writing a play. I wasn’t sure I could actually write a play, but I decided I had arrived at a moment where I had to take a risk again.
As we started the project, I felt paralyzed. The first few lines I wrote were so horrible they made me cringe in embarrassment. Then I realized I could approach the empty page the same way I used to tackle a new role. I tried everything that came to mind without judging and went back later to select the ideas that worked best.
This has been a frightening process with moments of self-doubt, but it has also turned out to be the highlight of my theatre career. I have been blessed to see a talented group of actors and designers give life to our story.
I realize now that to take this journey I needed to take some awkward, uneasy first steps. I stumbled at first, but the risk paid off. I found my footing and a creative process I thought I had lost.
—Nancy Ruyle-Paul co-wrote “The William Williams Effect” with Brian Columbus for Balance Theatre Project. The play debuted at the 2009 Minnesota Fringe Festival and is currently being adapted into a full-length production. She leads communication and development efforts for the Mental Health Association of Minnesota.